Intimate relationships can be the most wonderful and the most painful of experiences. Love can make us feel like we are walking on cloud nine or it can make us feel like someone stuck a dagger into our hearts and ten trucks ran over us. How do I know? …well, I have experienced it. I think it’s because our significant other most closely hits home with who we are and where our pain is. Relationships mirror to us how we treat ourselves and others. Yet, we are so quick to point our finger. He or she is not appreciating us. They are so critical of us. If only they would change… We would be so happy! Yet how many of us have ever considered where we might not be appreciating ourselves? Or where we are being critical with ourselves? Even though our partner may have their own issues, on a spiritual level they are simply pointing out to us how we act with ourselves and others and where we need to heal.
For example, if as a child one of our parents left the household, we may conclude that that parent didn’t love us. We may go even further to decide that therefore we are not lovable and that we must not deserve to be loved. This unresolved painful experience including our decision carries a certain energy. With that energy we attract, even at 40 plus, partners into our lives who continue to prove us right and don’t love us because after all, we are not lovable. And as such we keep re-experiencing the same pain from our child hood. The key is to recognize that our partner isn’t doing it to us. We are doing it to ourselves. We carry the unresolved pain and energy about who we are and thus create our circumstances with it. It doesn’t even matter that it’s this particular partner supposedly doing it to us. If it wasn’t this partner it would be a different partner, because ultimately we are creating the experience. The mirror effect doesn’t, by the way, just apply to intimate relationship. It applies to any relationship. It could be our mother, our child, our brother or it could be a mere stranger we only encountered once.
I had a client once come to me for a clairvoyant reading. He wanted to know what to do about his employees. He was clearly frustrated with them. He complained; they are irresponsible, they never do what I tell them to do, they are slow at their job and they don’t follow through. I told him that they were mirroring to him his own behavior and once he changed so would his employees change. I asked him “where are you being like that?” His response to me was “I don’t get it. I can’t see how I am like that.” It is actually more common than not that we can’t see ourselves or recognize how we are being in a certain way. I suppose for that reason we have others mirroring our behavior to us. I suggested that we do some healing around his employees’ behavior which obviously was causing him pain. After healing a few incidences with his employees I asked him what he might have learned from those experiences or if there was anything his soul wanted to share with him. His reply was that he needed to place his employees in more suitable positions. That he had been neglecting to pay attention to his employees and what job they would be best suited for. He said that he’d been really procrastinating about this and not taking responsibility and that he really needed to follow through in his job. True story!
So, how can we improve our relationships through spiritual healing? Usually there is a reason why we behave or why we treat ourselves in a certain way. Nothing that can’t be remedied usually through spiritual healing. Spiritual healing helps us digest the past unresolved experiences, change the decisions that no longer serve us and shift our perspectives. Once we transform and shift the energy within us, there is no unpleasent bit to be mirrored anymore. Suddenly their behavior changes. ….and we didn’t even have to point a finger or say a word.
So, the next time someone makes a snide remark toward you at the grocery store and you think to yourself “what a shmuck, this is soooo not about me”, know that this is sooooo about you! …and to change them, all you have to do is change yourself! Isn’t it fun?