A boy once said to his mother, “Mom, I am so sorry you had to find out about the bad things I did. I am so ashamed. I fear what you might think of me now.” “My son”, mother replied, “why does it matter what I think of you? The most important person who judges and sees everything you do is YOU!”
Why do we worry so much about what other’s think when what we think of ourselves is by far the most important?
After all, we are our own worst judge and jury? Ever known anyone with low self-esteem? Self-esteem is nothing more than how we think of ourselves. So, how do some of us come to think of ourselves so low? Well, for starters we know everything we do including the things we don’t approve of or know are wrong. That knowledge then dictates what we think we deserve or how much we trust ourselves. Since we create our own reality we then create our life accordingly. Even a person of crime will eventually allow themselves to be caught and do time for his or her misdeeds or they will punish themselves in some other fashion. That is how strong our own judge and jury is. And you thought you were getting away with something? Unfortunately, where ever you go, there you are! Even if no one else is looking, YOU see. YOU know.
So, how much integrity do you have with yourself? Do you hold yourself in high or low regard (esteem)? It only makes all the difference in your life.
Well said, our judgementalism towards others AND ourselves can be our biggest achilles heel. Getting to the bottom of why we judge is the hard part. We have to delve into our belief systems and really question whether they serve us or hold us back. Nice post. Stu
Thank you, Stu. You certainly bring up some interesting view points around the subject of judgement. The intention of my blog was to focus on the importance of being aligned in our actions with our beliefs and understanding the consequences when we’re not. For example, if we steal and know that stealing is wrong, we will develope an ill opinion of ourselves. In this case, self judgement is actually good, because it serves to keep us in check, unless we rather ignore it and instead develope a low self esteem.
But you question the self judgement that may be based on beliefs that don’t serve us. That is an excellent view point. I would gather that a good example might be if we spilled milk as a child and our parents scorned us as a result, we might judge ourselves based on the learned belief that we’re bad every time we spill milk. So, we better either not spill milk or chuck that belief! You are absolutely right! Aside from being in integrity with ourselves, it would behoove us to know what our beliefs are and how we acquired them. Only then can we change them. Some of that discovery might require some soul work. Not all beliefs are easily known nor understood where exactly they originated. A great deal of my healing work is about discovering and changing beliefs we have about ourselves.
As to your question “why we judge”, a better question may be “how do we forgive”. Forgiveness is the antidote to judgement. I use the energy of forgiveness quite a bit in my healings. It works wonders. As to the judging of others, I believe that we judge others based on how we judge ourselves. We tend to judge the most in others that which we least like about ourselves. I’ve met people with the lowest of self esteems being the most judgemental and people with the highest of self esteems being the most accepting. No doubt there is a correlation. Love your commnents, Stu. All very interesting and complex subjects.
Dagmar
Mom you are such a blessing in my life I can’t even begin to thank you. I love you.
Well, James, you are quite the blessing to me too! (smile) And I love you too.
Love,
Mom
Interesting question. I used to tell my daughter all the time, “If you don’t like and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?” This is a good reminder for me that I need to show myself respect, even when someone I care about doesn’t. If someone I care about does not want to see or understand my feelings, they don’t have to. I am the one that has to live with my choices, my feelings, my attitudes. I need to have integrity with myself.
Kim,
It’s good to hear from you. You are right. It’s about ourselves and not about others. …and do we act in alignment with our own beliefs.
Love,
Dagmar
This is not specifically about the Integrity blog, but I thought Dagmar would prefer to see this posted on her blog.
I read parts of your blogs. They are extremely well-written. I will read all of them carefully, even though I know much of it (of which a portion I only know intellectually, not experientially). I have several mentors/friends/(my) healer who I would call lightworkers, one of whom did call herself a lightworker, and desire to become one myself.
I now have a glimpse of how this inner work makes one powerful in affecting worldly social/political issues. Perhaps it’s the only thing.
Love – David
David,
Thank you for your comment. You are correct to recognize the difference between knowing intellectually and knowing spiritually or experientially. A lots of difference. It’s awesome you want to become a healer yourself. I have never seen as many healers coming out of the woodworks as now. This is the time. We need all of us to help with the changes happening. Many of us healers have to go through our own healing before fully connecting with our abilities and quite often overcoming fears we have acquired in the past. At least I know I did. So, keep pushing forward. You’ll get there. I know it’s been quite the journey for me. Even though difficult at times, I would do it again to be where I am today. You are completely right. It is the only thing. We can change the world by changing ourselves. ~ Love, Dagmar
I feel so acknowledged and known it makes me want to cry (a good thing). No need to respond. love – David