Tag Archives: responsibility

Whom Does Forgiveness Ultimately Benefit?

Forgiveness is an interesting subject.  I use the energy of forgiveness in my healing practices all the time …because it heals.  When we forgive we also let go of our feelings of anger, pain, resentment and hostility.  It actually takes a lot of energy to hold on to and maintain negative emotions such as anger.  Withholding forgiveness is like drinking venom attempting to poison our enemy.  And yet, some of us can’t or won’t forgive.  Why is the act of forgiveness so difficult?

Is it because we think that by forgiving we release the other person from their responsibility of their actions and thus they will not have to pay for what they did?  Or is it because we so desperately try to feel powerful thinking that by withholding our forgiveness we can make the other suffer?

But, why do we want to take on the responsibility of making someone else pay?  In our universe, every action has its price regardless.  We all must pay our dues.  We all have our lessons to learn.  And ultimately we all stand before our own personal judge.  Do we really have the power to make the other suffer?   We may go through the motions and at best hope that our actions cause the other person pain.  But what the other person actually chooses to feels is up to them.  We don’t have control over someone else’s feelings.  Just like no one can make us forgive when we don’t want to.  It’s an internal job.  We only have as much power over someone else as they allow us to have.  By the same token, someone else has only as much power over us as we allow them.

So, how do we get feeling so powerless?  Well, when we blame someone else, when we hold another person responsible for our circumstances, we automatically render ourselves powerless.  By giving away our personal responsibility we also give away our power.  On the other hand, when we recognize our part in the creation of our reality and we assume personal responsibility and truly own our creation, whether painful or wonderful, only then do we also own our power.

Why do we try so hard to affect change where we cannot affect it?  Life only becomes hard when we set ourselves up with impossibilities by taking on someone else’s responsibility and giving away our own.  Ultimately the only change we can affect is within ourselves.

But why is it our responsibility when someone else hurts us, you may ask?  I know this may be difficult for some to accept, but every event, every person in our lives is there because we have drawn them there.  Maybe it was karma balancing itself out from another lifetime.  Maybe we wanted to learn something and had a soul contract with the other person to help teach us.  Or maybe we are repeating history because our soul wants us to finally heal our past.  Whatever the reason, we created our circumstances.  Only when we accept what is truly ours, do we fully stand in our power.  And it is then when forgiveness becomes easy because there is no need to hold a grudge against anyone else.  In fact, it’s never been about anyone else.  It’s always been about ourselves.  And all there is left is the pain we need to heal and the wisdom it holds for us.  …and forgiveness will help us do that.