Well, let me guess. That in-love feeling started to wear off and you started noticing all the irritating things about your partner? They have certain bad habits and they treat you at times like …. well, like you don’t deserve to be treated? And you’ve put up with it for how long? Why exactly, you’re not sure? Well, except that deep down you know the next person will have issues just the same. Afterall, nobody’s perfect. Especially at your age, everyone has baggage, right? The only other alternative is to remain single, but you don’t really want to be alone. …but this is it! You’ve had it! You break it off. ….only to start the cycle over again in a few months or years with someone else or the same person yet. Or you’ve finally decided that being alone is not all that bad. And you’ve been alone for years. And you really miss having someone around, but you don’t want to go there again.
How many of us have been there, done that? Or maybe you see yourself in that cycle somewhere right now? Well, I’d like to help shed some light on this subject for you, if I may.
Most of us don’t realize that relationships aren’t just about love and companionship. Intimate relationships are the most difficult because they teach us on the deepest and most intimate level about ourselves. They also connect us with the deepest and most painful unresolved business we carry. In fact, we attract just the right partner with our baggage. Our unhealed traumas, because they are unresolved carry a certain energy. Like energy attracts like energy and thus it is ultimately the similarity of our old baggage that brings us together like magnets. The abuser attracts the abused. The emotionally unavailable attracts the married person (also unavailable). And so forth. We then call it love or chemistry, but really it is the energy of our unhealed past. Not to say that we can’t actually love our partner underneath all that baggage, but the only way to really tell is to take the baggage out of the equation and notice what is left. Nonetheless, we then together with our partner engage in the perfect dance and act out our unhealed traumas that cut deep into our old wounds. Why? Because we are ready to heal them. Relationships are natures way of helping us figure out what we need to heal within ourselves.
But what do we do instead? We get angry and frustrated with our partner. We think that if they would just change this particular behavior about them, we could be so happy together. But your job isn’t to change your partner. Your partner is just being a mirror to you. Your job is to change you! You can’t change anyone but yourself anyway. But you still keep thinking it’s not about you? You’re not like that? You’re partner is the one with the problem! Well, here is a simple way of telling whose problem it really is. If it’s bothering you, it’s yours. If it’s bothering them, it’s theirs. So, if you’re the one who’s angry and frustrated, then I’m sorry to say that the problem lies within you! What are you really angry about?
So, what do we do? We can run and hide and try another partner, but unless we have healed our old business it will still be with us and most likely we will re-experience the same pain. So, my advice? My advice is, as a shaman once told me, make medicine out of it! Simply recognize that there is something within you that needs spiritual healing and go for it. You’d be amazed at how much you can change patterns in your relationships and attract better partners as a result.
We want our partner to love us, but ultimately no one can love us more than we love ourselves!
I’d love your comments if you care to share your thoughts and experiences.