Tag Archives: love

What’s love got to do with it?


So you’ve fallen in love?

Well, let me guess.  That in-love feeling started to wear off and you started noticing all the  irritating things about your partner?  They have certain bad habits and they treat you at times like …. well, like you don’t deserve to be treated?  And you’ve put up with it for how long?  Why exactly, you’re not sure?  Well, except that deep down you know the next person will have issues just the same.  Afterall, nobody’s perfect.  Especially at your age, everyone has baggage, right?  The only other alternative is to remain single, but you don’t really want to be alone.   …but this is it!  You’ve had it!  You break it off.  ….only to start the cycle over again in a few months or years with someone else or the same person yet.   Or you’ve finally decided that being alone is not all that bad.   And you’ve been alone for years.   And you really miss having someone around, but you don’t want to go there again.

How many of us have been there, done that?  Or maybe you see yourself in that cycle somewhere right now?  Well, I’d like to help shed some light on this subject for you, if I may.

Most of us don’t realize that relationships aren’t just about love and companionship.  Intimate relationships are the most difficult because they teach us on the deepest and most intimate level about ourselves.  They also connect us with the deepest and most painful unresolved business we carry.  In fact, we attract just the right partner with our baggage.  Our unhealed traumas, because they are unresolved carry a certain energy.  Like energy attracts like energy and thus it is ultimately the similarity of our old baggage that brings us together like magnets.  The abuser attracts the abused.  The emotionally unavailable attracts the married person (also unavailable).  And so forth.  We then call it love or chemistry, but really it is the energy of our unhealed past.  Not to say that we can’t actually love our partner underneath all that baggage, but the only way to really tell is to take the baggage out of the equation and notice what is left.  Nonetheless, we then together with our partner engage in the perfect dance and act out our unhealed traumas that cut deep into our old wounds.  Why?  Because we are ready to heal them.  Relationships are natures way of helping us figure out what we need to heal within ourselves.

But what do we do instead?  We get angry and frustrated with our partner.  We think that if they would just change this particular behavior about them, we could be so happy together.  But your job isn’t to change your partner.  Your partner is just being a mirror to you.  Your job is to change you!  You can’t change anyone but yourself anyway.  But you still keep thinking it’s not about you?  You’re not like that?  You’re partner is the one with the problem!   Well, here is a simple way of telling whose problem it really is.  If it’s bothering you, it’s yours.  If it’s bothering them, it’s theirs.  So, if you’re the one who’s angry and frustrated, then I’m sorry to say that the problem lies within you!  What are you really angry about?

So, what do we do?  We can run and hide and try another partner, but unless we have healed our old business it will still be with us and most likely we will re-experience the same pain.  So, my advice?  My advice is, as a shaman once told me, make medicine out of it!  Simply recognize that there is something within you that needs spiritual healing and go for it.  You’d be amazed at how much you can change patterns in your relationships and attract better partners as a result.

We want our partner to love us, but ultimately no one can love us more than we love ourselves!

I’d love your comments if you care to share your thoughts and experiences.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places..

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places, Dear Spirit of Mine.

I searched the world.

I searched for years to find my guy,

the one and only love of mine,

like you dear Spirit of mine,

unconditionally and always with the best for me in mind.

I looked for the guy who’d be my knight and shining armor,

my hero, my dragon slayer,

who’d protect me come rain or shine,

like you dear Spirit of mine.

I looked across the ocean miles,

I looked everywhere,

for the guy whom I could count on, trust and who would care.

I even searched in the darkest of places to find him,

the one and only love of mine.

Surely, I thought, he must be there somewhere hidden in the dark of the darkest of corners,

since I couldn’t find him in the bright of shine.

I searched everywhere for the guy who’d love me,

like you dear Spirit of mine.

It was you I trusted and I knew you’d help me find my guy.

I was growing desperate to find the guy who’d love me,

like you dear Spirit of mine.

I finally asked you for help and you agreed to help me find that guy.

You promised and I still could not see,

the love that only you had for me.

It was then that you made me look in the darkest of hearts and I finally saw,

that which there was not,

the love I’d been looking for.

Without it I was lost.

So for the longest time I wouldn’t dare see it not.

You had me again search in the darkest of hearts so that I could finally see,

see what there was not.

It was in the reflection of an empty heart that I finally saw the substance in mine.

I had to see first what there was not, in order to see,

what there was within me, my Spirit, within me.

It was then that I realized, it was you I’d been looking for all this time,

dear Spirit of mine.

You were the one who loved me,

you were my guy.

You were my knight in shining armor, my hero, my protector came rain or shine.

You were the one who loved me unconditionally all this time.

It was you I counted on and trusted, dear Spirit of mine.

Especially in my weakest of moments, you were the one who always cared

and had my best interest in mind.

I was looking for love in all the wrong hearts, when all along you were inside of mine.

You, dear Spirit, you were the true essence of me,

I so desperately needed to find.