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Whom Does Forgiveness Ultimately Benefit?


Forgiveness is an interesting subject.  I use the energy of forgiveness in my healing practices all the time …because it heals.  When we forgive we also let go of our feelings of anger, pain, resentment and hostility.  It actually takes a lot of energy to hold on to and maintain negative emotions such as anger.  Withholding forgiveness is like drinking venom attempting to poison our enemy.  And yet, some of us can’t or won’t forgive.  Why is the act of forgiveness so difficult?

Is it because we think that by forgiving we release the other person from their responsibility of their actions and thus they will not have to pay for what they did?  Or is it because we so desperately try to feel powerful thinking that by withholding our forgiveness we can make the other suffer?

But, why do we want to take on the responsibility of making someone else pay?  In our universe, every action has its price regardless.  We all must pay our dues.  We all have our lessons to learn.  And ultimately we all stand before our own personal judge.  Do we really have the power to make the other suffer?   We may go through the motions and at best hope that our actions cause the other person pain.  But what the other person actually chooses to feels is up to them.  We don’t have control over someone else’s feelings.  Just like no one can make us forgive when we don’t want to.  It’s an internal job.  We only have as much power over someone else as they allow us to have.  By the same token, someone else has only as much power over us as we allow them.

So, how do we get feeling so powerless?  Well, when we blame someone else, when we hold another person responsible for our circumstances, we automatically render ourselves powerless.  By giving away our personal responsibility we also give away our power.  On the other hand, when we recognize our part in the creation of our reality and we assume personal responsibility and truly own our creation, whether painful or wonderful, only then do we also own our power.

Why do we try so hard to affect change where we cannot affect it?  Life only becomes hard when we set ourselves up with impossibilities by taking on someone else’s responsibility and giving away our own.  Ultimately the only change we can affect is within ourselves.

But why is it our responsibility when someone else hurts us, you may ask?  I know this may be difficult for some to accept, but every event, every person in our lives is there because we have drawn them there.  Maybe it was karma balancing itself out from another lifetime.  Maybe we wanted to learn something and had a soul contract with the other person to help teach us.  Or maybe we are repeating history because our soul wants us to finally heal our past.  Whatever the reason, we created our circumstances.  Only when we accept what is truly ours, do we fully stand in our power.  And it is then when forgiveness becomes easy because there is no need to hold a grudge against anyone else.  In fact, it’s never been about anyone else.  It’s always been about ourselves.  And all there is left is the pain we need to heal and the wisdom it holds for us.  …and forgiveness will help us do that.

Like every emotion, FEAR is an indicator


Like every emotion, FEAR is an indicator with a specific purpose. It serves to warn us of danger to aid us in our survival. However when we experience FEAR at the lack of an immediate threat on our lives like for example the FEAR speaking in front of people then FEAR is mearly FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. But where does it come from?
It comes from past events where we have experienced pain including past lives. Can such FEAR be healed spiritually? Yes, it can.
So, unless you are facing a bear, there is no reason to keep experiencing FEAR. It is mearly False Evidence Appearing Real that can be spiritually healed.

When will I meet my soul mate?


Recently I’ve been hearing this particular question a lot, “So, when will I meet my soul mate?”  Well, it inspired me to write a blog about the subject of soul mates.  Let me begin by saying that if there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that life is a never ending learning process.  And I ceased to desire a normal life a long time ago, for what is normal anyway?

For whatever reason there seems to exist this ideology that when we refer to a soul mate we are strictly talking about a romantic partner who is the perfect match for us and thus will meet our every need, be at our every bec and call, fill our heart with love and we’ll be smooth sailing in bliss forever after.  Well, I must ask then, “Are you ready?”, for if this is true of soul mates, then there must be someone else out there waiting for you to do and be all that for them.

It never ceases to amaze me how much we tend to seek from others that which we need to do most for ourselves.  And don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there done that.  I too once was seeking the ideal or right partner who would do and be all those wonderful things for me.  But, how can we expect others to love us when we don’t love ourselves?  Your husband or wife doesn’t appreciate you, you say?  Then I must ask, where do you not appreciate yourself?  For others are merely mirrors of how we treat ourselves.

To the contrary of popular belief it is not necessarily our romantic partner who is our soul mate.  Nor do we have only one soul mate.  Nor does it mean that because our partner has hurt us or hasn’t met our expectations that they are not our soul mate.  Sometimes the person we least expect can be our soul mate.  May be it is one of our children whom we don’t have time for because we are all consumed with work.  It could be one of our parents whom we forgot to call because we are too pre-occupied with trying to find our soul mate.  Or maybe it is that friend with whom we haven’t spoken for years.  And sometimes it’s our fury pet who is always by our side but whom we hardly think about.  And other times it’s that boyfriend or girlfriend who took off with all our money and brought us to financial ruin because we wanted to learn a lesson about money.

The best definition of a soul mate I can produce is a soul with whom we’ve traveled in other life times.  We all have multiple soul mates.  In fact, souls tend to travel in soul groups or soul families from one life time to the next.  In my own spiritual journey I have discovered that my mother and I are soul mates, for example.  I know that in another life time she had been my grand daughter and I her grand mother and yet in another life she had been my daughter and I her mother.  And I’m sure there are many more lives we’ve shared.  My mother and I have always had a close connection with each other to the point of sometimes knowing what the other thinks.  We’ve always supported each other in our journeys even across the ocean miles.  My mother resides in Europe and I don’t get to see her very often.  However, her and I are close in heart and soul – and the heart and soul spans all physical distances.

Yet another soul mate of mine is my son, who is very dear to me.  We’ve traveled many lifetimes together as well, playing different roles for each other.  We too have supported each other on many journeys.  And I have discovered that at least two of my friends are my soul mates as well.  We all support each other in different ways.

Then there is my significant other, who is a very unique soul mate indeed.  He is what one might call my twin soul or twin flame.  For those of you who are interested, I will write another blog explaining more closely about twin flames.  For now, I will just say that he is a perfect mirror image of myself and literally the other half of my soul with a bond so strong it reminds me of the song “Hotel California”, by the Eagles.  “You can check out anytime, but you can never leave!”  You think that’s great?  Try it when you’re in pain and want nothing more than to get away.  The ideal mate and smooth sailing, you ask?  Far from it.  The most painful and difficult relationship I have ever experienced. But don’t get me wrong.  It’s also been one of the most profound, amazing and rewarding relationships.  And in the end I’ve come to realize that it is not about finding the right partner or soul mate.  It’s never been about that.  Rather it’s been about finding myself.  But one thing is for certain, you must be ready to meet your twin soul for they will challenge you to your chore.  Sometimes the hardest thing is to look at ourselves.

So to sum it up, some soul mates are there to support us in our journey, others to help us learn lessons, others to help us heal our pasts and yet others to help us grow spiritually and find ourselves.  Ultimately all relationships are about learning about ourselves.  And ultimately we must first meet our own needs and fill our own hearts with love.  No other can do it for us!  We must first achieve that ideal relationship with ourselves before we can even begin to expect to achieve it with another.

But whatever your journey, I want you to know that you are being supported in many ways.  Every person and all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there, including reading this blog.  What you do with them is up to you.  In the end it’s all about you.  It’s always been about you.

The Bleeding Rose


The Bleeding Rose – An Inspired Oil Painting

Recently I completed an oil painting I called “The Bleeding Rose”.   I was inspired to paint it as a result of my own recent journey of healing certain energies.  I thought I’d share it with you.  How does the saying go?  A picture’s worth a thousand words.  Maybe it’ll  inspire certain thoughts or feelings with you.  If so, I’d love to hear, if you care to share.

How much integrity do you have with yourself?


A boy once said to his mother, “Mom, I am so sorry you had to find out about the bad things I did.  I am so ashamed.  I fear what you might think of me now.”   “My son”, mother replied, “why does it matter what I think of you?  The most important person who judges and sees everything you do is YOU!”

Why do we worry so much about what other’s think when what we think of ourselves is by far the most important?

After all, we are our own worst judge and jury?  Ever known anyone with low self-esteem?  Self-esteem is nothing more than how we think of ourselves.  So, how do some of us come to think of ourselves so low?  Well, for starters we know everything we do including the things we don’t approve of or know are wrong.  That knowledge then dictates what we think we deserve or how much we trust ourselves.  Since we create our own reality we then create our life accordingly.  Even a person of crime will eventually allow themselves to be caught and do time for his or her misdeeds or they will punish themselves in some other fashion.  That is how strong our own judge and jury is.  And you thought you were getting away with something?  Unfortunately, where ever you go, there you are!  Even if no one else is looking, YOU see.  YOU know.

So, how much integrity do you have with yourself?  Do you hold yourself in high or low regard (esteem)?  It only makes all the difference in your life.

Tired of the struggle?


It’s all a matter of perspective.  Like the saying goes.  “The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”

Why the struggle?  The butterfly in the making has to struggle intensely before breaking out of its cocoon.  It is through the struggle the butterfly developes strength in its wings to be able to fly.  Without the struggle the butterfly would die.  It is the same with little chicks.  They too must struggle to break the eggshell and get out.  If you help them, they die.  The struggle is a very integral part of life and survival.

Don’t pray for less struggle, pray for more strength.  You are a butterfly in the making.  And the struggle you are experiencing right now is ensuring that you too can fly.

Be open to everything and attached to nothing…


How do we achieve such spiritual freedom and bliss to be open to everything and attached to nothing?  What are attachments anyway and why do we have them?

Attachments are things we can’t do without or have a difficult time letting go.  For example, we can be attached to a certain outcome, in which case we are attached to a certain expectation.  We could be attached to shopping or to being in relationship.  We could be attached to having a routine or to having drama in our life.  We could be attached to an idea, the idea that everything must be in order before we can move on to what we really want to do, for example.  We could be virtually attached to just about anything.  Much like the toddler who is attached to his blanket, we seek safety in our attachments.  Addictions are no more than very obvious and severe attachments.

It is in our state of separateness we seem to need attachments.  By “state of separateness” I mean the space we live in where we are separated or disconnected from spirit, our source and the spiritual mother womb.  Being connected with source is the place where we know we are taken care of, we are safe, we are loved and abundance is ever present.  When we are in this space of being connected to source we feel no worries and no fear.  Thus it is in the space of disconnect where we are so desperate to hold onto something, … anything and we have the need for attachments and addictions.

We have entered the era where we are moving away from being separate and disconnected to being connected and united with source and each other.  We are moving away from fear and toward love.  We are moving away from suppression and toward self-expression.  But how does one as an individual move from the place of feeling disconnected to feeling connected and loved?  How do we move away from being attached to things?  How do we move away from our addictions?

First it would help to understand that whenever we experience a trauma, particularly pain, emotional, physical or mental we disconnect from a piece of ourselves.  The more we spiritually heal such traumas and pain, including past life, the more we re-connect with ourselves and source.  It is in the combination of spiritual healing and growth that we can achieve the connection we desire and the spiritual freedom of being open to everything and attached to nothing.

What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger…


Well, I beg to differ.  While it is true that our soul expands or grows through learning, it is equally true that in the face of a painful experience we tend to become weaker.  This is particularly noticeable when we have experienced multiple traumatic events in a fairly short amount of time.

When we experience pain, whether emotional, mental or physical the tendency is to shove it because it is too intense for us to digest in the moment.  Our soul cannot learn from an undigested piece of experience, much like our body cannot get the nutrients from an undigested piece of cauliflower.  You may have heard someone say “he or she never learns”.   It’s because in order for our soul to learn from our experience the pain has to be healed first.  Thus spiritual healing is a form of a digestion process, if you will.   As such the unhealed painful experience becomes our unfinished business or affectionately also known as our “baggage”.  It actually does weigh us down.  …and we do actually carry it around with us.  In point many people express feeling lighter after a healing session.

Just like our soul can expand and become bigger, it also can contract and become smaller resulting from unhealed pain because a piece of our soul is wrapped up in the painful experience.  Sometimes we can even disconnect from pieces of our soul entirely.  Although it aids our survival, in the case of severe pain, the experiencing of different traumas can scatter our soul.  The more disconnected we are, the less soul we have to work with and the weaker we become.   Sometimes one can witness this with people who have gone through a number of tragedies or who have experienced a severely painful accident.  I’m sure you have heard people say such things as “he or she has never been the same since.”

So, what doesn’t kill you can actually make you a lot weaker…  but you can regain the integrity of your soul through spiritual healing.  Pain can be transformed to wisdom so that your soul may learn from your experience.  You can reconnect with your lost soul pieces and you can become more rather than less of who you are.

                                                    – by Dagmar Oktabcova